I’ve said it. Maybe you have too. “If I can do it, so can you” is one of the most common things we say when we want to encourage someone, and it almost always comes from a good place. We want people to believe they belong here and that success is possible.
But I’ve come to realize the phrase leaves out a lot. Everyone has their own path, their own pace and their own circumstances. When we hold up our journey as proof of what someone else should be able to do, we create an unnecessary comparison. Instead of feeling motivated, the person may walk away with self-doubt: “If they could, and I can’t, what’s wrong with me?”
And it isn’t just this one phrase. “Anyone can do it.” “It’s a piece of cake.” “Just get started.” “You’re not the only one.” Each is meant kindly, yet each can quietly suggest that someone’s struggle is smaller than it feels, or that they should be further along than they are.
So, now what? Should we stop encouraging people, or stop sharing our stories, our journeys and our hurdles? Of course not. Our stories matter, and they can be powerful. We just need to be mindful of how we tell them.
In this session, I’ll share phrases we often use without thinking, why they can land differently than we intend, and simple alternatives that keep the encouragement. We’ll talk about telling our stories honestly, including the hard parts, the moments we got lucky and the support we had, while making it clear that the listener’s journey will look different, and that’s okay. The goal is to encourage people to keep going despite their hurdles, without measuring them against ours.